Reflections from a thankful mother

Memory allows me still to hear the stairs squeak as our son attempted to sneak downstairs without being heard.  It was an annual ritual… one he thought was always his surprise, and I played along - heart bursting with thankfulness for this child whose life brightened even the darkest of days.  Then when his work was done he’d dash up the same flight of stairs and jump on our bed: “Happy Mothers’ Day mum!” he’d shout, dragging me out of bed to see his surprise.  The living room now transformed by posters and drawings he’d worked on for many hours behind closed doors, and his handmade card ready for opening, which always included the names of his two sisters.  Paul made sure Cheryl and Joy would receive some credit, even if their tiny hands couldn’t grasp a crayon.  Mothers’ Day had begun! 

Mothers’ Day. 

I doubt there is any other day that can flood hearts with so many different emotions. Many women will laugh and indulge in the delight of thankful offspring… well, at least for one day!  While for others the pain of childlessness cuts deeper than during the rest of the year, whether infertility has struck its cruel blow, or singleness and circumstances have rendered the tug of mothering impossible.

I don’t know what you think of the words: “It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”?  In principle it’s makes sense, but often the loss of a child is so earth-shatteringly painful that you doubt even this.  Yet when I stand by our daughters’ grave my heart is forever thankful for having had the opportunity to love them for the duration of their few earth-years.  And oh, did they teach us the meaning of true love, for they taught us to love in ways we never thought possible.  Two little girls, who couldn’t walk, talk, or do anything for themselves, drew from us the kind of love that expects nothing in return.  We learnt how to love because of who you are, and not what you could do, or receive in return: gave us life lessons in how God sees us… and yet loves us anyway.  

Cheryl and Joy never got to articulate the word ‘mum’, or choose flowers for Mothers’ Day.  They couldn’t plan the Mothers’ Day celebration with their brother. No, but they managed far more than that.  Their short lives turned my heart Godward.  They left an indelible imprint on my heart that was about more than them or me.  They taught me what journeying with God is all about.

Hannah’s story in Scripture reveals the same truth.  She experienced the kind of pain I know nothing about – childlessness.  And because of her empty arms she faced ridicule, and even misunderstanding from people who should have known better.  Her story in 1 Samuel 1:2-2:21 opens up as one of sadness, pain and impossibility, yet we don’t read of Hannah displaying anger or bitterness.  Rather, this hurting woman went to where she knew she would find God, and left the longing of her heart with Him.  That day Hannah began a journey with God that taught her trust in the God accustomed to dealing with the impossible. 

Her trust was rewarded.  What delight she experienced when Samuel was placed into her arms, even though it was only for a short time.

While Mothers’ Day is sublimely happy for millions, it also has a way of dredging up heartache that can make us do one of two things – become bitter, or run in the direction of the One who “heals the brokenhearted” (Psalm 147:3).  How He does it might not be the way we want, but on the journey to healing we will discover what Hannah did – a God who is worth trusting.

This year will be the same as any other for me.  I will celebrate the joy of motherhood with our son and his precious family.  We will laugh together over past shenanigans, and enjoy the next generation’s attempts at delighting their mother.  But I will also stand at a grave, shed some tears over what might have been, and thank God that He gave me the opportunity to love two precious daughters whose lives sent me on the most amazing journey with God.   

Love always gives rewards.  Mine are eternal.  And God, in His kindness, has left us that son, who may not draw pictures for me anymore, but still brings joy to my soul… and not only on Mothers’ Day.

Happy Mothers’ Day… may it enrich your journey with God.

Journey with Me by Catherine Campbell is out now.